It is Saturday and I have horrible feelings of fear and dread.  It started after work yesterday.

I had dropped my dog, Jules off at daycare in the morning.   I usually take him once a week to keep him socialized and to get out excess energy.  I picked him up after work and everything was normal until we got to the car.  He refused to jump up into the car.  I went to pick him up and he winced and cried and his back legs were shaking.  I had no idea what was going on so I walked him back in to see if anything had happened while he was there.  The person supervising his room said that he had a great day and nothing out of the ordinary happened.  She proceeded to feel his abdomen and legs, but he was stoic and showed no sign of pain.   She helped me lift him into the car and I assumed that he just sprained or twisted something while playing.

He jumped out of the car when we got home and it didn’t seem to bother him.  He was acting ok but wouldn’t come up the deck stairs (he went down them just fine) or jump up onto the couch.  His back seemed ok when I gently pressed it and he was still wagging his tail so I was hoping that it wasn’t a spinal injury.  I messaged my friend who is a vet who said she could see him today if he is still painful.

By the time we went to bed he seemed to be getting around better.  He walked up the deck stairs after going potty and that made me feel much better.  This morning when we woke up, he also seemed ok.  Cried a little when he got up but came up the deck stairs ok.

Our neighbor stopped by and when she knocked Jules got up and started barking but getting up suddenly hurt him and he started crying.  Something is wrong.

He has an appointment to see a vet at 2:15 but I am so anxious.  I consulted Dr. Google and beagles are predisposed to Intervertebral Disc Disease– which can affect dogs as young as 3 and can result in paralysis and death.

Jules is my heart dog.  We got him in 2014– the worst year of my life so far.  In May 2014 we lost our 13 year old boxer.  We intended on waiting awhile (like a year) to get another dog– although I was continuously looking on petfinder because not having a dog created a huge void in our house.   In July 2014, I lost my mom suddenly.  On the morning that she died, I looked at hubby and said, “I need to get a puppy.”  He understood.

We found Jules’ litter through a rescue, but had to choose which puppy without meeting him.  There was only a couple of puppies left who didn’t have homes yet.  We picked Jules because they said that he was a laid back puppy, liked to play but also liked to be lazy– which seemed to be a perfect fit for our relaxed family. His personality did not disappoint– he was exactly what they described.

My mom died early in the summer, so there was several weeks that I was out of work after she passed.  Having to take care of such a young puppy helped me navigate through those early weeks of grief, especially with so much unstructured time.  Meanwhile, Jules and I were creating a bond like no other dog that I’ve had before.  I’ve always felt a strong emotional bond with him and often wonder if it was because he was so young and impressionable while I was so sad and vulnerable.  He is truly my heart dog, sent from the heavens.

Now at almost 4 years old, he is my best friend.  He is always up for going on a run/walk with me, even at 5am or is happy just cuddling with me under a blanket on the couch with a good movie.  When I’m at home he is always by my side.

Now I feel so scared and anxious.  I’ve often dreaded him getting into teenage years and having to say goodbye and how completely awful it’s going to be and kind of symbolic given the timing of when I got him.  NOW he could have something as awful as IVVD at age 3?  What if I lose him at 4 or 5?

Ok– enough dread and worry.  I don’t think normal people worry this much about every ache and pain their dog has– but then again I’ve never been normal.

I will take deep breaths and deal with whatever God is going to give me.

His appointment is in an hour.  Hopefully I will feel better afterwards and some of this anxiety will go away.

On a happier note, today is Day 30 for me!  I have barely thought about it and am not enjoying it much, but I am happy to report that this extra stress is not triggering me so far– and hopefully that continues.

Happy Saturday everyone ❤

**Update**  Vet visit went well!  His back checked out ok and his reflexes were good!  The doctor thinks that it was a sprain or strain and gave him an injection of Rimadyl.  He will prescribe orals if it doesn’t improve.  I am so relieved and hoping for the best!!!!