Sometimes I’m reminded how grateful I am to not be a drinker anymore. Today was one of those days. It’s Monday, and I have the day off thanks to Presidents Day. We watched a movie later than planned, then snacked on cheese and chatted with the boys for a bit and didn’t get to bed until almost 1:00am.

Once asleep, I slept well but woke up super groggy. I didn’t drink a smoothie yesterday, so I made one instead of coffee, hoping it would help my energy. It did not. I took a shower, and then napped, then had lunch (leftovers from a Mexican restaurant- very processed/unhealthy), then napped again. When I woke up, our groceries had been delivered (ordering groceries was one small way I was productive while so tired this morning) and after putting them away, I started to feel almost human again.

I made coffee and shut myself in my bedroom to journal. I lit incense and opened the windows to feel a fresh (and almost warmish 40 degree) breeze. I just got done and do feel better physically and mentally. It’s bright in my room, the incense smells good and this coffee tastes amazing.

Earlier, when I started to feel better and noticed it was 2:00, I had a thought. This type of day used to be a regular occurrence for me- especially on the weekend. I’d wake up, feeling like death from drinking, could barely choke down coffee and could finally stomach a shower sometime after noon. This was normal for me. How sad is that?

While I’m happy this isn’t my normal weekend, it’s still hard not to beat myself up. My diet has been awful lately. My energy has been low too. I need to work on this, and I will. But… I didn’t come here today to beat myself up! I came here to celebrate day 50 of no weed.

I don’t have a desire to go back to vaping and chowing edibles every night. Also, I stopped my antidepressants early in January and feel that I’m doing okay without those. I definitely need to get back to working out- and I will. It’s hard now because my machines are in the middle of a pile of stuff mashed into one side of our basement. Today we had the asbestos tiles removed. Now it’s paint and put in new floors, which hopefully we’ll do in the next couple of weeks. Once that’s done my machines should be accessible. I like using them and look forward to this, not dreading it. In fact, I was on a roll before that awful flood in our basement a few weeks ago. I’m hoping to start walking outside soon too. It’s so much easier as the weather gets nicer, and already we have some high 40/50 degree days coming up.

So, I’m optimistic. The weather is getting better. I’ll start working out and improving my diet and will feel better all the way around! Also, I started some new soul work. I ordered the book, “Living Untethered” by Michael Singer (I LOVE his book, The Untethered Soul.. it is phenomenal and was something I read early in sobriety and it was so helpful in my soul growth). So far this book is excellent as well. I also ordered “The Untethered Soul” guided journal. I wrote my first entry today and think it’ll be a useful tool in continuing to grow my soul. Maybe it’ll help with wanting to stuff my face so much!

Life is good right now. I’m also working on building relationships/connections with people who inspire me. This week I have a dinner date with my cousin Stefanie, who I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m super excited to catch up with her! We got close for a little while shortly after my mom died. I was in an awful headspace, and still a huge drinker. I’m so happy to be healthier and hope that I can be a better friend to her this time around.

So you see, Fifty is nifty, haha!! I knew this change would make space for better things! The best is yet to come, this I know ❤

Links to these books that I love:

The Untethered Soul:

https://a.co/d/iwzRvgi

Journal:

https://a.co/d/aenW5jw

Living Untethered:

https://a.co/d/8aeIcgU